Celia Walden, journalist and wife of broadcaster Piers Morgan, has opened up about the complexities of maintaining male friendships while married.
In a candid article for the Daily Mail, Walden explores the reasons behind her husband's discomfort with her having male friends and delves into the broader societal implications of cross-gender friendships.
Walden reveals that Morgan is convinced that any straight man befriending her is simply using "the old friendship ruse" to try and sleep with her.
This perspective has led to tensions in their relationship, with Walden having to "fight for everyone" of her male friends, likening them to throw pillows in terms of the effort required to keep them.
Walden's experiences are not unique, as she discovered through conversations with other women. Many of her female friends reported similar restrictions on their male friendships imposed by their partners. This trend appears to be more widespread than initially thought, with some women admitting they have few or no male friends at all.
The article cites research by psychologist Robin Dunbar, who found that 85% of British women's best friends are female, with only 15% being male. Even among these male friends, Dunbar notes they are often either gay men or those at the "feminized end of the male distribution."
These statistics raise questions about the nature of cross-gender friendships and the societal norms that may be limiting them.
Walden discusses the existence of unspoken rules or a "boy-friend code" that seems to govern male-female friendships within established couples. These rules often dictate that friendships predating the relationship are acceptable, while new opposite-sex friendships are frowned upon.
Celia Walden expresses her dissatisfaction with these social constraints:
I don't like these rules. They feel like social corsets – uncivilised. I think the boy-friend code needs to be rewritten so that we can all expand our friendship horizons. Hell, there should probably even be a national 'meet a random man and make him a friend' day. Because aren't we missing out on some of the most enriching relationships of our lives?
This sentiment highlights the potential benefits of cross-gender friendships that may be lost due to societal expectations and relationship dynamics.
Despite the challenges, Walden emphasizes the unique qualities that male friends can bring to one's social circle. She notes that male friends often provide a different perspective and can offer a refreshing change from female friendships.
According to Walden, male friends are less likely to ask about children, notice physical changes, or engage in behaviors typically associated with female friendships. She argues that this diversity in friendship types can lead to more enriching social experiences.
Walden's piece sheds light on the complexities surrounding male-female friendships in the context of committed relationships. It reveals a tension between the desire for diverse friendships and the discomfort or jealousy that can arise from partners. The piece raises questions about societal norms, trust in relationships, and the potential benefits of broadening one's social circle regardless of gender.
